Therese Rando named them STUGs — sudden temporary upsurges of grief. Pet loss has notoriously dense trigger fields: the bowl, the leash hook, a bark two yards over. Two load-bearing facts: waves crest and pass, always; and sensory grounding shortens them. Naming five visible things — the 5-4-3-2-1 technique — occupies the channels panic uses until the wave completes. Your record against waves remains perfect.
Teaching vignettes: illustrative voices showing the practice applied. The living candle wall grows below.
Elena — 'the wave hit at the pet food aisle. feet flat, five things: bags, light, cart, sign, my hands. it passed. every one so far has.'
Ross — 'rehearsed the drill calm, like the card said. when a bark two yards over set me off, my body already knew the steps.'
This room is open every time — tonight, the anniversary, years from now. What's here right now?
Learn the drill calm: feet flat, five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch. Pet grief's triggers are everywhere — the aisle, a bark, a jingle — so carry the drill everywhere.
If it's early daysWaves may hit hourly in week one — at the door, the bowl, the bed. Each one has passed. The next one will.
If it's been a long timeA rogue wave in year three — someone else's puppy, a vet ad — is the mechanism, not a relapse. Same drill.
If the ending was hardClinic smells and exam rooms can trigger hard for years. Ground first in the parking lot; enter when the wave has passed.
What's your most reliable trigger — and where were you the last time the drill worked?
Term to know: STUG — sudden temporary upsurges of grief. Name five things you can see; every wave so far has passed.
This room doesn't expire. Grief isn't a one-time event — anniversaries, ambushes, the good years, the hard ones — and the card in your hand is a permanent key. Come back for whatever is coming up.
This card lives in the deck — 52 companions, on a nightstand near the people you love. Buy the physical deck — $28.99